Is it wrong to feel relieved when someone who harmed me dies?
By Will Bourne · Question 123
The direct answer
Relief that someone can no longer hurt you is not the same as delight in their suffering. A feeling of release does not require you to pretend the harm never mattered or to claim you wanted the death. You can be honest about relief without turning it into a declaration about the person’s eternal fate.
Fuller explanation
A person may feel grief, anger, relief, numbness, or several things at once. We should not prescribe an emotion as proof of forgiveness. Nor should the person be required to produce affectionate memories for a funeral or family conversation.
Christian teaching against vengeance raises a question about what we choose to nurture or do. It does not follow that the first feeling after a frightening person’s death is a deliberate act of revenge. Distinguish an emotion, a wish for safety, a desire for cruelty, and a chosen action.
Proverbs 24:17–18 warns against gloating over an enemy’s downfall. That can challenge the cultivation of another person’s humiliation. It should not be used to condemn someone for recognizing that a source of danger has ended. The application needs care rather than a demand to feel the correct thing.
Death does not rewrite the person’s history. You may speak truthfully about what happened, decide whether to attend a service, and keep appropriate boundaries with others involved. A family’s wish for an uncomplicated tribute does not make honest memory disloyal.
If the emotions are difficult to carry, a trusted listener or grief professional may help. Support does not require first deciding that every feeling is morally pure or sinful. This answer does not diagnose a bereaved person or claim that one response fits everyone.
The objection we still need to face
Does relief mean I never forgave them?
Not necessarily. Forgiveness is not the same as sadness at someone's death or affection toward them. I understand forgiveness as releasing personal vengeance to God while remaining truthful about harm. It is distinct from restored access, reconciliation, and trust. Relief alone does not settle everything, but neither does it prove a person has refused forgiveness.
Scripture and its use
Proverbs 24:17–18. Read the warning against gloating without equating it with every feeling of safety after harm. See Source Questions 5, 46, and 58 for forgiveness and unresolved loss.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+24&version=NIV . This is a pastoral distinction between relief and chosen cruelty, not a clinical claim about every grief response.
Read these passages in their surrounding chapters alongside the explanation.